The Office

I took Annabelle to the office with me this morning to drop off a tax return that I spent all night finishing up for the 9/15 deadline! Lovely!

As a side note, I am STILL trying to figure out why some people are still employed in this economy. And, I've wondered many times why they keep me around for the 0-5 hours I work every week when they've actually had to let other people go due to lack of work.

Well, now I know! A tax return that should have literally taken me 3 hours max from start to finish ended up requiring 14.15 hours of my time (beginning the work Sunday at 1:20 p.m.). The tax return was not finished until 2:00 a.m. this morning (deadline day)! Nothing was clean, and like I said, I am still trying to figure out why some people are still employed in this economy!

And, this big of a return should never have waited until the weekend before the deadline! Again, this was no fault of mine. I have been waiting on the financials from this employee since a month ago.

And, just for the record, it did take me only 3 hours from where the financials should have been when I first received the work from this employee. So, it isn't me! I'm not that slow! Why would anyone leave $14,000 in Miscellaneous Expense for a check written to "Cash" and not question it? Sheesh!

So, once again, I digressed. Now for the story I logged into blogspot to blog about.

While we were walking from the parking deck towards my office building, Annabelle was once again enthralled by my very tall office building. I don't blame her. If you are familiar with the Atlanta area, then you are probably familiar with the King and Queen buildings. I used to always want to work in those fancy, tall buildings. I don't know why, maybe because they seemed impressive like you worked for someone really important. Well, I got my wish, but by the time I got my wish, I didn't really care any more. You see, working is more of a hassle now because it adds to my stress level and my life seems to completely fall apart during tax deadlines. I ask myself often, "Is it really worth the additional cash?" And in all honesty, it isn't the cash, it is the security, just knowing that if something tragic were to happen, I would hopefully at least have a rather part-time job, if not full-time job to pay the bills.

So, all that being said, as we were making our way down the walkway, Annabelle had the following to say.

"When I'm a Mommy" *pause* "and have babies" *pause* "I want to work in an office too."

Really? So, she thinks working in an office is fun.


Dear Annabelle,

I hope you'll learn that you should become independent and take care of yourself. I hope you'll do your best to never depend on anyone else, financially that is. And, that is besides your husband, if you do choose to stay home. Hopefully you'll still have that freedom and choice when you have babies of your own. I'm doubtful these days though as our freedoms seem to be taken away one by one and no one even notices.

I do hope that you will have the opportunity to watch your babies grow every day. I hope that you'll take the time to enjoy your children (if you do decide to have children of your own).

I wish I knew what the future held for you. I hope you'll always follow your heart. But, I hope you will learn that some things are just not that important. I am still trying to figure that one out!

I am very thankful that I have been fortunate enough to stay home with you. There isn't a day that goes by when I'm at the office that I don't question myself, "Is this really worth it?" I feel that many precious moments with you are lost because of those tax deadlines. And, sometimes, it is simply because I don't have the patience with you that I normally would have because of the stress and lack of sleep.

I don't think it is possible to be "great" at many things. I've always tried to be "great" at everything I've done. But, as a mommy, I realize how difficult that is now. There are just too many things to strive to be "great" at when you are a Mommy.

I hope and pray that you'll be happy in life no matter what road you take.

Love you forever and always sweet girl!

Mommy

Lonely Lunch

I forgot how lonely lunches used to be while I was working. I would always speed through my lunches to get back to work to stay current with my chargeable hours.

When you work in a professional service environment, chargeable hours are everything! Your entire life seems to revolve around chargeable hours and budgets. How many hours do I have to work this week in order to meet my budget? I'm behind 20 hours for the month, how many days and hours do I have to work to catch up? I have to charge what?!?! 210 hours this month! Chargeable! That doesn't include non-chargeable work?!?!

The workload (fortunately and unfortunately) was never the question! Just the number of hours in the day and the number of hours of my life I was willing to give up for a paycheck and promotion.

But, the stress level is drastically reduced for me while working a part-time schedule. But, the lunches are still lonely!

Annabelle spent the day with Nonnie today while I worked. I missed that sweet girl today! She's my love and my everything. Lunches are never lonely with Annabelle! Sometimes a little busy and stressful, but never lonely! I'll take the busy and stressful any day. I don't like those lonely lunches.

What's your passion?

This past Wednesday, I went to the office to work (for pay this time) for the day. My parents kept Annabelle while I was gone for the day.

My work day started with a Continuing Professional Education (aka CPE) class from 9:00 a.m. until 12:00 p.m. As a CPA, I am required to obtain 40 credit hours per year in order to continue my license. I worked too hard to pass the CPA exam in the first place, so I am not willing to give that up, if I can help it!

This particular session was a business development session titled "Selling Professional Services." It was geared towards managers and up at our firm to encourage and support business development at an individual level.

As some of you may or may not know, I have been working with this firm anywhere between 5 and 30 hours per month since my maternity leave was up in January 2007. I was full-time with them before Annabelle was born, and I started working for this firm originally back in August 1999. Lately, I have been working more along the lines of 5 hours per month (pathetic, huh?). So, I am making an effort to go to the office at least one day a week to keep my skill set up and keep my foot in the door. Since my time spent working for the firm is very little, I would rather spend my time "chargeable" (as we call it when we work on client projects) than I would developing business.

So, I am sitting in this meeting asking myself why I decided to attend this particular CPE. They were encouraging 2 hours a week for business development, which is definitely feasible if you work 40-50-60 hours per week, but with my very part-time schedule, 2 hours for business development is not really where I want to spend my time at this point in my life.

Well, after an hour of the session, they introduced an outside speaker who raised a great question. He asked, "What is your passion?" Fortunately, he wasn't looking for any verbal answers. But, he really did make me stop and think.

Even if you know me very well, you probably don't know how much I have truly struggled with being a stay-at-home mom versus pursuing my career. Whenever I go to work and sit in meetings and watch others perform, my heart aches. But, why? Mostly because I watch people who started working with the firm after me (who I trained, I might add) thrive. I sit and think, that could have been me. I could have been the one the Partners put in charge of that project. But, it isn't. It isn't because I chose to sacrifice my career to stay home with my daughter.

During the meeting, the speaker said that many of us would still be working in 10, 20, 30 and even 40 years from now. One of the girls sitting next to me who also has a young child (only 5 months younger than Annabelle) sort of gasped as if she were thinking, "Gosh, I haven't thought about it that way. That stinks!"

I think it was then that I realized what a great gig I really do have. I am so very fortunate to be able to stay home with Annabelle. Yes, I am giving up my career, but honestly, I never have really had a true passion for accounting. I've liked (sometimes just tolerated) what I've done and do for a living, but I've never woke up in the morning excited to go to work.

I know some people think, "Well who does?" I truly do believe there are people out there who love to go to work. My husband is probably one of them. Hmmm...could that possibly be because he wants to get away from Annabelle and me? I hope not! But, seriously, he truly does love his job, and he's great at it (in my opinion). His boss may beg to differ. Ha! Ha!

But, the more I sat through this meeting, the more it clicked that on most days, I truly do love my job (except for the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, folding clothes, etc). Is there a better way to spend your day?

I get to wake up and know that a smiling little girl will be happy to see me when I rescue her from her crib. We get to plan our own day of fun. I get to spend time with an innocent child who makes me laugh more than I've probably laughed since I was a child myself. I get to hear her giggle and say "Uh-oh" when she drops something on the floor. I get to interpret her as she learns to speak and act out (in good ways and bad ways), and most of the time, I am the only one who can interpret her specific behaviour because she learned it from watching me (scary)! The Coffee Bean story is a classic example...I'll blog about that soon. I am able to watch her grow and learn, and I don't have to miss these simple pleasures because I am with her all day.

Sure, there are dirty diapers and teddy bears that have been tee teed on and spilled drinks, but those are all the small things. These bumps along the way remind me of something my brother wrote in a wedding card to hubby and me shortly after we had gotten married. I am sure I am not quoting it exactly, but it goes something like this.

"May you have enough hard times to appreciate the good times."

It was so simple, but it truly made an impression on me. If your life is only filled with happy moments, you'll never appreciate or enjoy them! That is why babies bring dirty diapers, sleepless nights and sassy attitudes!

So, I think I've finally found my passion! I am sure that I will have plenty more days full of my own pity parties, and if I do, please redirect me to this blog entry.

As for my professional career, it is definitely on hold for awhile while I raise my babies (only one baby right now), but I do think I NOW know my passion for a paying career. Did anyone guess Personal Financial Planner? I LOVE trying to figure out how to save another penny! Maybe one day I'll go back to school and get my Masters degree in Personal Financial Planning.

Until then though, I am going to try my very best to live in the moment and enjoy every moment!

Live, love and laugh!

May God bless you all!

To Work, or Not To Work: That is the Question.

Okay, I am going to try and make this post short and sweet as I am very tired, and it is 10:17 p.m. as I am just starting this post, and I am pretty sure that Annabelle will be awake by 7:15 a.m. tomorrow morning.

So, today was the longest amount of time that I have actually spent away from my daughter since she was born. In order to keep my license active, I am required to obtain so much Continuing Education every year, and 8 hours of this "CPE" has to be in Accounting & Auditing, also known as A&A. Well, the firm that I work for part-time hosts this annually, and everyone in the firm attends so that everyone can knock out their 8 hours of A&A in one day.

The subject matter is absolutely torturous and very, very boring! And, this time, the speaker pretty much read from his PowerPoint presentation the entire time.

Well, every time I go to a work event, no matter how boring (obviously), I really start to miss my previous life BA (before Annabelle). The firm is growing so fast that there are so many new faces, and then when I meet some of the new people, they will ask which department I work in. Of course, I am always stumped for an answer because I feel the need to explain that I only work from home and this is why they've never even met me even though I've been working with the firm for 8+ years (minus the 1.5 years we were in TN, so that makes 6.5+ years).

I feel like a pee-on once again, and I am actually somewhat envious of some of the people in my department who are moving up in the ranks and making great impressions on the partners. I am jealous because it isn't me, and I am no longer an integral piece of what is making the firm so successful. I used to be the "Superstar," but I am no longer privy to that title as I only work 10-20 hours per month!

But, I, instead, am staying home with my daughter and, as a result, putting my career on complete hold. I never thought this would bother me (before Annabelle was born and even before I got pregnant), but it truly does leave a pit in my stomach.

I often wonder... Am I making the right decision staying home with Annabelle? Would I not be as good of a mother if I worked more than I do now? Would I maybe be a better mother if I worked full-time or even more part-time?

Sometimes I feel that some of the other women are looking at me and thinking, "Well, that must be nice. She gets to work when she feels like it." And, don't get me wrong, I do have the ideal situation. I can work my own schedule around my toddler's schedule and still pull in a little extra income to help us take those much enjoyed vacations. Little do they know that staying at home is really a very demanding and exhausting job. Finding the time to actually "work" for pay is very difficult. And when I do find the time in the evenings after Annabelle has gone to sleep, I am exhausted, and instead, I'd rather use my time either blogging, reading a good book or scrapping (well, hopefully one day I'll scrap). Of course, I am pretty exhausted right now after being at work for the seminar and firm meeting after the seminar (all lasting from 8:15 this morning until 7:10 this evening). And, then, I didn't get home until 7:30 p.m. or so.

So, "To Work, or Not To Work: That is the Question." I need some encouraging words as I am being selfish again, and I feel that I am missing out on my own personal career growth.

My husband told me (after I mentioned to him that I no longer felt like the "Superstar"): "Did you see Annabelle's eyes light up when you got home this evening? You are a Superstar to her." Of course, my response was that he works full-time, and her eyes light up when he gets home from work. He couldn't argue with me on that one.

I guess all I really need is to be a "Superstar" in her eyes though, but I know that 10 or 11 years from now, she is not going to see me as a "Superstar" and she probably won't see me as a "Superstar" again from that age until she has a child of her own.