To the Mother with Only One Child...

This is such a beautiful blog post that I have to share it. And, hopefully, this won't offend anyone. Hopefully it will lift all mothers up (even the mothers with only one child).

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/to-the-mother-with-only-one-child

I wish I had read this 5 years ago! Though I'm not sure if would have had the same impact on me as it does today.

Empowering

"Just wait until you have two!"

If you have a child, then someone probably has uttered those very words to you. If they haven't, it will only be a matter of time. I think it is a security statement for some. As if they are all mighty and powerful and know everything about raising kids because they have two kids and you only have one. Or maybe it is the "I've got one up on you," feeling. Whatever the case, that statement drives me bonkers.

People forget the challenges of each age because they are dealing with a new challenge that they think is harder. Typically something they've never dealt with before so, yes, it probably is harder because they've never dealt with it.

But, the above statement made me simply cringe at the thought of having another child, especially while I was pregnant, because I thought it would be crazy hard and unmanageable.

I remember feeling anxious before Annabelle was born too. "I cannot do this. I can barely keep myself fed much less another mouth," I would think. But then she arrived, and personally I didn't think it was as hard as everyone made it out to be.

Then she turned two and things got a bit more challenging. And I got a bit more anxious. I think my anxiety worsened when I started potty training Annabelle (the second time) when she was 2.5 years old. I was a nervous wreck the first day I left the house with her to run errands and go grocery shopping without a diaper.

And then I got pregnant. And I'm not going to lie. I was very overwhelmed at the thought of a second child. "I cannot do this," I thought yet again. "I cannot get one child out the door at a decent time, much less two. How am I going to bathe two kids at night?"

But, Sophia was born and almost three months later, we are all adjusting well. And, honestly, being a mother to two is quite empowering. I never knew I had it in me. Granted, Sophia hasn't hit the terrible twos yet, but I think I'll be a bit more relaxed the second time around. My struggle will probably always be with Annabelle because everything she does is new to me. It is just a different age and a different challenge.

We accomplished a lot today, and yet again, I felt empowered. I took both girls with me to get my hair cut and Annabelle's hair cut. They both behaved awesomely!

Just as we walked into the hair salon, I got a call from my OBGYN that I had just called 30-45 minutes earlier. I suspect yet another case of mastitis, so I called them to see if they needed to see me or if they could call in another round of antibiotics. Naturally, as I'm talking to the nurse at the OBGYN, Sophia starts crying because she's hungry and Annabelle knocked a box of the 64 crayons all over the floor. And, then, the hair dresser was ready for us. I kept my calm though.

I nursed Sophia while Annabelle got her hair cut. After Sophia nursed, the hairdresser asked one of the other girls to wash my hair. Off Sophia and I went. Sophia laid on my chest while the girl washed my hair. I just wish I had a picture of her! She was so very curious, and she lifted her head up higher than I have ever seen because she wanted to see what was going on. It was absolutely precious! I love that sweet girl!

Sophia then started to get a little fussy because she was sleepy. So, I swaddled her right then and there and patted her bottom until she fell asleep. They were laughing at me swaddling her, but it worked! Annabelle was a very sweet girl while I got my hair cut too. She was such a big girl and got her hair washed at the salon for the very first time, and she even got to sit under the big hair dryer to get her hair dried. She is going to cost me bundles in a few years! Well, she already does, but I suspect it is only going to get worse.





Everyone commented on Sophia's beautiful highlights. One of the hairdressers actually said, "Those highlights are a hairdressers dream!" Even a hairdresser cannot give someone highlights as beautiful as Sophia's highlights.

After our haircuts, we were off to the dentist office for my 6 month cleaning. When I left, I had called my parents and asked if they'd watch the girls while I had my teeth cleaned. But, Annabelle left her "big girl" behind in the bathroom at the hair salon, so we had to turn around to get it. That took another 15 minutes, and we were already running short on time. Thankfully I was smart enough to pack a lunch for Annabelle and me.

So, we headed straight for the dentist's office. Sophia had to eat yet again when we arrived. Fortunately, we were 20 minutes early, so there was plenty of time to get her fed.

The hygienist told me there was a lady who worked in the office that loved to babysit if I didn't mind if she watched Sophia. She offered the lady's services after I asked if she thought Sophia would be alright just laying on my chest. I immediately took her up on it!

Annabelle behaved herself very well. It is amazing how powerless you feel with your mouth wide open, unable to talk and discipline. But Annabelle acted accordingly. I'd love to pride myself on that one and state that it has everything to do with my mothering skills, but to be honest, I think I'm just lucky! Annabelle has pretty much always cooperated when we aren't at home. Unless of course it is just one of those days. I'm surprised she didn't pick today as "one of those days."

The dental hygienist and dentist both looked at and counted Annabelle's teeth. She warmed up to the dental hygienist very well. She is a little skeptical of the dentist though. The dentist did mention that it appeared she was going to need braces one day. Of course, that comes as no big surprise to me since hubby wore braces, and they would have served me well too.




So I accomplished a lot today and I feel that much more empowered! With the mastitis causing flu-like symptoms (throbbing headache, achiness and exhaustion), I was able to take two kids to the hair salon and dentist, totaling 4 hours from start to finish (11:45 a.m. until 3:30 p.m.). That was quite an accomplishment for me!

For those of you that only have one child, please ignore anyone who ever says, "just wait until you have two." Just take one day and each challenge a step at a time.

What's your passion?

This past Wednesday, I went to the office to work (for pay this time) for the day. My parents kept Annabelle while I was gone for the day.

My work day started with a Continuing Professional Education (aka CPE) class from 9:00 a.m. until 12:00 p.m. As a CPA, I am required to obtain 40 credit hours per year in order to continue my license. I worked too hard to pass the CPA exam in the first place, so I am not willing to give that up, if I can help it!

This particular session was a business development session titled "Selling Professional Services." It was geared towards managers and up at our firm to encourage and support business development at an individual level.

As some of you may or may not know, I have been working with this firm anywhere between 5 and 30 hours per month since my maternity leave was up in January 2007. I was full-time with them before Annabelle was born, and I started working for this firm originally back in August 1999. Lately, I have been working more along the lines of 5 hours per month (pathetic, huh?). So, I am making an effort to go to the office at least one day a week to keep my skill set up and keep my foot in the door. Since my time spent working for the firm is very little, I would rather spend my time "chargeable" (as we call it when we work on client projects) than I would developing business.

So, I am sitting in this meeting asking myself why I decided to attend this particular CPE. They were encouraging 2 hours a week for business development, which is definitely feasible if you work 40-50-60 hours per week, but with my very part-time schedule, 2 hours for business development is not really where I want to spend my time at this point in my life.

Well, after an hour of the session, they introduced an outside speaker who raised a great question. He asked, "What is your passion?" Fortunately, he wasn't looking for any verbal answers. But, he really did make me stop and think.

Even if you know me very well, you probably don't know how much I have truly struggled with being a stay-at-home mom versus pursuing my career. Whenever I go to work and sit in meetings and watch others perform, my heart aches. But, why? Mostly because I watch people who started working with the firm after me (who I trained, I might add) thrive. I sit and think, that could have been me. I could have been the one the Partners put in charge of that project. But, it isn't. It isn't because I chose to sacrifice my career to stay home with my daughter.

During the meeting, the speaker said that many of us would still be working in 10, 20, 30 and even 40 years from now. One of the girls sitting next to me who also has a young child (only 5 months younger than Annabelle) sort of gasped as if she were thinking, "Gosh, I haven't thought about it that way. That stinks!"

I think it was then that I realized what a great gig I really do have. I am so very fortunate to be able to stay home with Annabelle. Yes, I am giving up my career, but honestly, I never have really had a true passion for accounting. I've liked (sometimes just tolerated) what I've done and do for a living, but I've never woke up in the morning excited to go to work.

I know some people think, "Well who does?" I truly do believe there are people out there who love to go to work. My husband is probably one of them. Hmmm...could that possibly be because he wants to get away from Annabelle and me? I hope not! But, seriously, he truly does love his job, and he's great at it (in my opinion). His boss may beg to differ. Ha! Ha!

But, the more I sat through this meeting, the more it clicked that on most days, I truly do love my job (except for the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, folding clothes, etc). Is there a better way to spend your day?

I get to wake up and know that a smiling little girl will be happy to see me when I rescue her from her crib. We get to plan our own day of fun. I get to spend time with an innocent child who makes me laugh more than I've probably laughed since I was a child myself. I get to hear her giggle and say "Uh-oh" when she drops something on the floor. I get to interpret her as she learns to speak and act out (in good ways and bad ways), and most of the time, I am the only one who can interpret her specific behaviour because she learned it from watching me (scary)! The Coffee Bean story is a classic example...I'll blog about that soon. I am able to watch her grow and learn, and I don't have to miss these simple pleasures because I am with her all day.

Sure, there are dirty diapers and teddy bears that have been tee teed on and spilled drinks, but those are all the small things. These bumps along the way remind me of something my brother wrote in a wedding card to hubby and me shortly after we had gotten married. I am sure I am not quoting it exactly, but it goes something like this.

"May you have enough hard times to appreciate the good times."

It was so simple, but it truly made an impression on me. If your life is only filled with happy moments, you'll never appreciate or enjoy them! That is why babies bring dirty diapers, sleepless nights and sassy attitudes!

So, I think I've finally found my passion! I am sure that I will have plenty more days full of my own pity parties, and if I do, please redirect me to this blog entry.

As for my professional career, it is definitely on hold for awhile while I raise my babies (only one baby right now), but I do think I NOW know my passion for a paying career. Did anyone guess Personal Financial Planner? I LOVE trying to figure out how to save another penny! Maybe one day I'll go back to school and get my Masters degree in Personal Financial Planning.

Until then though, I am going to try my very best to live in the moment and enjoy every moment!

Live, love and laugh!

May God bless you all!

The Many Hats of a Mommy

I have decided to compile a list here of the many jobs we perform as Mommies. I will add to this post periodically as my own job description as a stay-at-home mom changes and as I think of the duties I have performed as a Mommy, so here goes! Now if only we could tag a price to these items and actually receive a paycheck for these many jobs we hold.

1. Mommy (first and foremost)
2. Teacher
3. Singer (poor Annabelle)
4. Cook (again, poor Annabelle)
5. Dietitian
6. Maid
7. Nurse/Doctor
8. Photographer
9. Sleep Therapist
10. Event Planner (for all of those special birthday parties)
11. Accountant
12. Comedian
13. Entertainer

Savoring the Moments

Sometimes I wish we could hold and capture every moment of a child's life to savor forever. And, I don't only mean the first time they roll over, the first time they sit up, the first time they crawl, and the first time they walk. I am referring to the moments that occur every single day at nap time and bed time. These are the moments at the end of a three hour period or at the end of a very long day that we sometimes long for, especially when we are not ourselves, and we aren't feeling the best. These are the moments that we often long to pass quickly because there are dishes to be cleaned and laundry to be folded. These are the moments that lead to complete peacefulness and solitude for everyone, baby or toddler, Mommy and Daddy.

But, it isn't just the moment that Annabelle falls asleep that I find so special. It is the moments that lead up to bedtime and nap time (even though I find nap time quite a struggle).

It is the way that Annabelle will walk from the living room to her bedroom at bedtime when asked, "Are you ready to go night night? Let's go to your bedroom and get ready for bed." I've just noticed that she's starting doing this within the past few weeks (probably right around Halloween).

It is the way that Annabelle will immediately hand me her paci (that she was sucking on seconds before) just as soon as her little head hits the boppy pillow when it is time for her to nurse before nap time and bedtime. It is this trust that she so completely has with me that she trusts me to hold and protect her paci until she is ready for it again before bed.

It is the way that Annabelle will fight sleep at nap time by babbling and sometimes shrieking "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da" very loudly, just as her eyes are too heavy to hold open any longer. And, how suddenly, her eyes are no longer heavy as she says, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da." I will often have to look away from her to avoid eye contact just so I can laugh. If she sees me smile or laugh, she knows she's won me over, and it makes nap time that much more difficult.

It is the pleasure and overwhelming love that one feels by watching her baby sleep with her baby's knees pulled to her chest underneath her little body while she is lying on her tummy.

Stay-at-home Mom - Hardest Job in the World?

That was the question that inspired me to start my own blog. I found this question while browsing the internet for stay-at-home mom blogs to read.

So, why do stay-at-home moms say it is the hardest job in the world?

I know this answer will vary greatly depending on the mother and her life experiences. As a previous professional in the work force, used to working 50 to 60 to 70 hour work weeks (and sometimes even 80 hour weeks, okay, 79 hours was probably my limit) during busy season from January through April, I can explain why I think that staying at home with our 12 month old daughter is the hardest job in the world.

It definitely isn't a mentally challenging job (at least right now it isn't...that could probably change as my daughter gets older), but it is physically and emotionally draining.

It is the constant daily battle. The dishes really need to be cleaned, and the dirty clothes really need to be washed, but right now (not really right now as it is 11:30 at night) Annabelle (my 12 month old daughter) is alert and awake. She is walking in circles around the house from the kitchen through the office and hall and living room and dining room and back again to the kitchen over and over. Obviously, she is at her prime for getting into serious trouble on her own without my complete and uttermost attention. These troubles may include stumbling and knocking her head on the corner of the coffee table or closing her tiny fingers into my kitchen drawers or simply deciding to taste the paper clip or penny which accidentally fell on the floor (unbeknownst to anyone except the little hands who found it). So, I have a choice. I can take care of those dirty dishes and dirty clothes or I can follow my daughter around the house as she walks in circles. Or, I can simply put up a baby gate or close the kitchen doors and lock her in the kitchen with me as I wash the dishes. But, if I do that, am I providing my daughter with the opportunity to learn and grow?

My husband and I opted to make the sacrifice to give up that second salary for me to stay at home with my daughter to help mold her into a wonderful, honest and bright individual with integrity. So, if I am staying at home with my daughter, why should I spend that precious time while she is awake and alert doing the dishes and the laundry? This is why I am always behind on the laundry (since one mother commented that she could not understand how stay-at-home moms are behind on the laundry). This mom, who also worked full-time, stated that she was never behind on the laundry. I question just how much "quality" time she spent with her son/daughter.

So, I try my best to choose to spend that time with my daughter following her around the house as she smiles at me and squints those sweet, little, blue eyes to show her happiness and affection.

I try my best to sit down on the floor with her and push the buttons on the toys over and over again even though she continously pushes the same button and it says the same thing over and over again, "This is the song. La, la, la, la. Elmo's song!" I do this because I want her to learn how to make the other characters pop up and sing (with a different motion and push or pull of a button).

So, when do the dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming get done? Sometimes it doesn't, and that is the struggle of being a stay-at-home mom or working mom, for that matter. I still think that people tend to judge the woman (mother and wife) when a home is untidy or dirty. Especially when the woman is a stay-at-home mom because, "What does she do all day?" People don't realize that there isn't time to clean a house when you have an infant who only naps for 30-45 minutes at a stretch (twice a day). Fortunately, as Annabelle has gotten older, so have the length of her naps...we are up to between 45 minutes to 2 hours (depending on the day). Thank goodness!

What else makes being a stay-at-home mom the hardest job in the world?

It is juggling the nap times around grocery shopping (especially when you have a 12 month old who is ready for another nap after being awake for 3 hours).

Okay, so 3 hours sounds like plenty of time to do grocery shopping, right? Wrong! Not when it takes 20 minutes to nurse, 10 minutes to change from jammies into clothes, 45 minutes to an hour just to eat breakfast (Annabelle is a really slow eater like her Mommy) and another 15 minutes to grab our belongings and get buckled into a car seat. Then, what about the 20 minutes to get to the grocery store (on a good day) and the 20 minutes to get home. So, that leaves an hour for doing the grocery shopping AND for unloading the groceries while dealing with a potential fussy baby depending on how close to naptime we are.

Alright, so you're thinking, working moms still have to grocery shop. Yes, you are right, most of them do. But, maybe some of these working moms can leave the kiddos with the hubby while they run to the store or maybe hubby does the grocery shopping for the family since both spouses are working? Or, maybe hubby is there to help unload all of the groceries? And, grocery shopping may take less time for these working moms because they don't have to pay as much attention to the price per ounce because they are a two income level family.

As a stay-at-home mom, there is no formal annual employee evaluation. There is no boss or client saying, "You're doing a great job!" This is difficult because the self-esteem of being a good mother is mainly developed from within. The praise is not given from outsiders. And, if anything, it is the constant dealings with other parents (stay-at-home parents and working parents) who say, "Oh, so she's walking. Well, is she talking yet?"

As a stay-at-home mom, the adult interaction is very limited and depends completely on the number of play groups you can manage to attend around your already busy schedule.

Being a stay-at-home mom means holding your baby all day long (if needed) after the shots that made your infant feel ill. Or, holding or simply playing with the very fussy baby who isn't feeling well due to its very first upper respiratory infection. This same baby is the baby who will not nap more than 45 minutes because she doesn't feel well, and she'll only take the one 45 minute nap during the morning (instead of both the morning and afternoon nap). Not to mention, she stayed up until 2 a.m. the night before because she was having a hard time breathing through her little nose, and she was very uncomfortable and nothing would calm her. The stay-at-home mom was the one responsible for staying up until 2 a.m. with the little one (instead of shared duties with the hubby) because the stay-at-home mom doesn't have to go to the office the next day. However, as a stay-at-home mom, you still have to tend to the baby's needs for the entire day until bedtime.

Being a stay-at-home mom means no vacation or sick days! As a stay-at-home mom, if you are sick, you still have to tend to your child all day long. You cannot drop your child off at day care only to go back home and rest in your bed all day (without constant interruption). Your child is there with you all day running in circles around the house (with you close behind).

Being a stay-at-home mom means trying to do everything in your power to be the "perfect" mother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Being a stay-at-home mom means having no one else to blame but yourself when your baby stumbles while walking outside on a concrete pavement and falls backwards and bumps her noggin on the pavement (only to cry in horror and pain).

Being a stay-at-home mom means listening to others in your previous profession discuss their accomplishments and promotions while knowing that you've put your professional career on hold to raise your little one, and knowing that if and when you enter the work force again, your job as a stay-at-home mom will very unlikely be acknowledged or praised.

Being a stay-at-home mom means questioning every single moment you spend (or don't spend) with your child.

Being a stay-at-home mom means working 24/7 for free!

These are all reasons that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world. But, I wouldn't change anything in the world. I miss my full-time career, but I LOVE my new job as a mother.