Wired

I have never seen the energy level of a child escalate at bedtime as much as my Annabelle. Granted, I haven't been around that many children at bedtime, but the girl seems to get ants in her pants every evening right around 7 p.m. The jumping on the bed only occurs every night after 7 p.m. Literally.

This is not anything new. And I have ALWAYS (well, almost always) struggled with this with her. And, yes, I am sure it is something I have done wrong in the past because I am sure someone out there will make that claim. But, comparing my two children, I believe this just has a lot to do with her personality.

She's a big dawdler. That is probably definitely a discipline issue based on her age. But, she has a very difficult time staying focused. Again, I am certain this is an age and discipline issue. And I think the two go hand and hand along with blatant disobedience. Again, disobedience is obviously a discipline issue. So it IS obviously something I've done wrong! :)

I made her these awesome chore cards. I got this fantastic idea from Our Family for His Glory. This young mom of six children has the most amazing ideas for raising Godly children. I absolutely adore her blog!

And the chore cards have actually worked out quite nicely as Annabelle is actually very excited to grab her chore cards to get started in the morning and in the evening. The nagging has greatly decreased which makes for a much happier mommy. On some days, she has actually been dressed and ready for breakfast (including having already emptied the dishwasher) within 30 minutes of rising. And this is a HUGE accomplishment from the 1-1.5 hours that it usually takes her. As for bedtime, she is definitely much faster with the chore cards, but she is definitely still a work in progress.

But, this system doesn't work out so well when she loses the chore cards, and we can find them absolutely nowhere for over a week! I did finally find them this evening, and I'm not really sure who was the true culprit...the absent minded 5-year old or the tag-along almost 2-year old who wants to do everything that her big sister is doing. I think I am going to have to make Sophia her own set of chore cards so she'll leave her sister's cards alone!

As for the rowdiness, I cannot seem to figure out how to end this battle. I have hope that we will figure it out. We've come a long way with her in the past 6 months. The whining is definitely beginning to dwindle, and she is much kinder and more understanding with her sister.

As for me, my patience has been shot! I'm pretty sure I lost all patience I ever had when I got pregnant with Sophia back in July 2009.

Does anyone have any tips for disciplining and changing the bad habit of dawdling? Any help is greatly appreciated!

Child Rearing

I have abandoned my old thoughts on child rearing. Attachment parenting. I never really had any basis for parenting in that manner anyway. I did not read any books on it. It just felt right at the time. But as Annabelle has entered the little girl stage, I've realized it just isn't working for us! I've spent more days in the past year questioning what I've done wrong to raise such a disrespectful and self-centered child. And I think perhaps I may just have found the answer.

Attachment parenting equates to a child-centered family. Everything revolves around the children. And as a result, the children think they rule the roost. Why should they respect you and listen to you? In their little eyes, you should respect and listen to them before respect is ever earned. I know that there are many, many theories on child rearing, so if attachment parenting is your thing and it is working for you, go for it! I am not judging! But after much thought and reading, I am changing my parenting style.

If you aren't familiar with John Rosemond, I would highly recommend reading "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" and "New Parent Power!" Next on my reading list is "The Well-Behaved Child." Warning: He is very old school! Even more old school than my own parents, and they are pretty old! After e-mailing my mom to let her know I would be implementing his ticket system immediately, she responded with the following: "You are soooo mean!" I'm beginning to think she was just lucky that my brother and I turned out alright.

I changed my thoughts on parenting after Annabelle embarrassed me twice in one week amongst friends during scheduled playdates and dinners. She was doped up on anti-itch medicine the first incident, but that is still no excuse for her disrespectful behavior. Well honestly, I've been trying to figure out how to correct her appropriately for awhile now as even 15 minute time outs just do not work!

After the last straw, I joined John Rosemond's membership website to gain access to parenting questions answered by John Rosemond or one of his Certified Leadership Parenting Coaches. I've already read "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" and I was already in the midst of reading "New Parent Power!" I've gained so much by reading the parenting questions and responses already, and I truly believe his thoughts on child-rearing and discipline.

This will be a shocker to many of you, but I am strongly considering homeschooling our girls. I never even dreamed that mere thought would cross my mind 5 years ago, but something keeps telling me that this is something I need to consider. I have begun actively researching our options. We've discussed private school as well, but that would probably nip in the bud the thought of any more children, and I would need to enter the workforce again on a pretty full-time basis as soon as Sophia would be school age to even afford this option. But I'm not even sure that private school will calm the reservations that I am having about sending them to public schools. The next year will be filled with a lot of research, but mostly prayer!

So on the thought of child-rearing and homeschooling, I will leave you with a quote from John Rosemond's May 3, 2011 newspaper column titled "My 'Needs.'"

"I propose that yesterday's parents had it right. The only proper end goal of child rearing in America is to strengthen America. It is not all about the child. It is about one's responsibility to this country. It's not about raising a child who makes straight A's, earns a scholarship to a top-tier college, is the best center-forward in the NCAA, etcetera. It's about raising an adult who will be a good neighbor, someone who will be helpful and courteous and respectful and compassionate and charitable and responsible and so on. Most of all, it's about raising a child who will pass the baton of good citizenship properly to his or her kids.

When that's the goal, everything else will fall into its proper place.

The child may not make the best grades, but he will respect adults and do his best. As an adult, he may not wear an Italian silk tie to work or make a lot of money, but he will be a good neighbor.

In short, it's not about the child's supposed needs; it's about what America needs."

Discipline Chart

If you are reading this, your advice is much appreciated (even if you aren't a mom)!

We've had it with Annabelle's lack of respect for us. She is actually very respectful to most other people on most days, but as is typical for most three year olds, she doesn't listen or follow directions when it isn't in her best interest. Not to mention, she is sassy, sassy, sassy!

So in order to raise a respectful young lady, I have gathered ideas from John Rosemond's book, Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children. John Rosemond does not believe in second chances at all. Oddly enough, I briefly followed his advice regarding second chances a few months ago and Annabelle cried to me (as I put her in time out), "But I didn't get my second chance!" Hmmm. Dr. Rosemond is onto something!

One of my biggest irritations with Annabelle was her constant leaving the table at meal times to do this or that. "Get back in your chair Annabelle!" we would constantly demand. So, I used techniques recommended by Dr. Rosemond to other parents to keep their child from constantly leaving his bedroom for a drink of water or to go potty at bedtime to nip that one in the bud, and it worked!

I give Annabelle three silly bands (bracelets) to be worn at every meal. Every time she leaves the table once we sit down (to go potty, look at Sophia, look out the window, etc), she has to give us a bracelet. If she leaves the table at all once she has no bracelets on her wrist, she is finished eating, whether or not she is really finished eating. Sound harsh? Maybe, but she knows the rules, and she's old enough to know I mean business. Of course, we are technically giving her second chances, but we aren't constantly nagging and threatening, and a girl has to potty at the most inopportune times when she's three! And, this worked immediately! She has not yet lost a meal!

So, now we are moving on to more important and complicated issues. These are the offenses that bother both of us the most. And instead of threats and second chances, Annabelle will land herself in time out immediately if she disobeys. We are planning to have a family meeting to discuss these offenses with her.

When I first started typing this post, we were planning to give her bracelets and then for every offense, put her in time out immediately and take a bracelet. If she ran out of bracelets before she was ready for bed, we were going to take something away, but we couldn't figure out what to take away. I tossed around the idea of telling her that she couldn't go outside the next day, but if it rains or someone gets sick or we have something else planned for the day, we cannot make it outside. Then we thought about telling her she couldn't have gum the next day. Annabelle loves her some gum! She had a meltdown just the other day because she felt she was entitled to her gum after she finished her chocolate milk for breakfast. But, I felt that eventually she wouldn't care if we took her gum away.

So, we have decided to just tell her that she goes straight into time out for any of the offenses on the discipline chart. I am planning to print this chart in a size 12x12 and then laminate it. I am also going to print smaller 4x4 sizes to have on the go.

We are also planning to move her time out from her nice comfy bed to a dining room chair turned backwards. If you know Annabelle well enough, you know that there aren't many discipline measures that work with her. I still do not understand why she responded to the silly band method during meal times.

So here is a picture of our chart. I am planning to add another picture of her buckling herself into her car seat since she often takes her sweet time getting buckled in, especially when we're in a hurry. Your advice is still greatly appreciated! What works or worked for you?

Tough Love

I followed through! I did it! And I don't think Annabelle was damaged in the least!

We went to the library this afternoon, "Dinos To Go" by Sandra Boynton in hand.

I instructed Annabelle that she was going to return the book to the librarian and tell the librarian herself that she had colored in the book. I told her that if she refused to tell the librarian herself that we would return all of the books that we checked out yesterday. Was that mean? I needed to threaten to take away something to make her follow through. Otherwise, she may have just stood next to me and not said a thing.

I was so very proud of her! She admitted that she had colored the book, and she showed the librarian where she had colored the book (on the front and the back). I actually hadn't even noticed that she had colored the front of the book until we left for the library.

We got the perfect librarian for Annabelle's lesson! The librarian was in her late 50's or early 60's, and she responded accordingly. She even had me fooled as I started to fear that she was going to make us buy another book!

The librarian said, "Oh no." She started flipping through the pages to check for additional damage. I am sure she was just putting on a show so that Annabelle would learn her lesson. After she looked at the book, she said, "That will be 50 cents."

So, I paid the librarian and told Annabelle that I would loan her the 50 cents and she could pay me back using money from her piggy bank.

Annabelle ventured off at this point and brought back a video. The librarian said, "Are you planning to check out more books?" She asked because she had just scanned my library card and had it on file. I told her, "No. I told her we were only here to return the book." The librarian seemed surprised, but we started talking, and she said, "That is an important lesson to teach her."

She did ask if she could give Annabelle a sticker, and I told her she could. I felt like this let Annabelle know that the librarian was not mad at her, and it was better to tell her that she had colored in the book than to just return it.

Annabelle did reimburse me for the 50 cents without hesitation later this evening. I have no way of knowing if she truly "got it," but I guess only time will tell. It was definitely one of my proudest moments as a mom because I felt like I taught her a very important lesson regarding taking care of things that we borrow from others.

For the record, it only ended up costing 20 cents for the damage. I already had a 30 cents late fee on the account, so she offset the 30 cents against the 50 cents leaving the 20 cents for damage.

What would YOUR Mama do?

During one of Annabelle's many time outs for the day, she found it necessary to color her bed rail AND a library book with a black crayon.

Before judging, please realize that I did not know she had crayons or books with her in bed in time out until after the fact. I don't allow toys or books in the bed during time out!

Well, I didn't realize until shortly before Daddy got home that she had colored on something other than paper. I told her then, "Annabelle, you know better. We only color on paper. That was wrong, and I am going to need to discuss your punishment with your Daddy when he gets home." Honestly, I didn't know the proper punishment as I first thought that Annabelle should return the book to the library and tell the librarian herself that she had colored in the book. But, then I thought, perhaps that is too harsh of a punishment for a three year old. Of course, I think Caillou on her favorite cartoon, Caillou, had to do something very similar when his sister, Rosy, and him tore a book when they were fighting over it.

I discussed her misbehavior with hubby shortly before Annabelle's bedtime when Annabelle was in a different room. It was shortly before our discussion that I realized she had colored the bed rail too! I told him I was thinking to tell her that we would return the book without reading it. He then said, "Well, if it had been me, my mom would have made me return it to the library and tell the librarian what I had done." I suspect this is probably something that hubby actually had to do!

When I approached Annabelle regarding the book again later and told her that we were going to return it without reading it, she cried wholeheartedly and told me, "I colored off the paper on accident." Of course, she didn't tell me this until I threatened to return the book to the library without reading it to her since we just checked it out today.

But, she seemed so sincere, and my heart melted for that little stinker. That was until I studied the book a little bit more and realized that she had specifically colored on a part of the book that had been torn off by someone else. Not to mention, she colored the bed rail ON PURPOSE!

So, we had the discussion yet again.


Mommy: Mommy wants you to tell me the truth because that is the right thing to do. Did you color on the bed rail on purpose or by accident?

Annabelle: On purpose.

Mommy: Why?

Annabelle: Because I didn't think you would see it.

Mommy: Okay, did you color on the book on purpose or by accident?

Annabelle: On purpose.

Mommy: Why?

Annabelle: Because I wanted to.

[Pause]

Annabelle: God and Jesus always know if I'm telling the truth, right?

Mommy: That is right.

[Pause]

Mommy: Now, we are going to return that book tomorrow without reading it, and you are going to tell the librarian that you colored on the book.

[Insert a lot of unnecessary crying because she didn't want to return the book without reading it!]

Mommy: [to hubby] Do you think she's going to actually get it?

Hubby: [whispering to Mommy] Only if you don't take your camera. I know you want to take your camera, don't you?

[Insert slap to hubby's face!]

Only kidding on the slap to hubby's face part, but he definitely deserved it! I should make him take her to return it.


So, just curious, what would YOUR Mama do?

Time Out

"I love this time out!" Annabelle said just a few minutes ago as she bounced on the bed on her bottom.

Any ideas for disciplining this child? If I only drank alcohol a little more often than every 3.5 years! Then perhaps I'd have a glass of wine every night with dinner, especially when hubby is out of town.

She has now been threatened with no books if she doesn't heed my direction this next time around. She has been told to look me in the eyes when I am talking to her.

Do I sound too harsh? If so, don't let her fool you. She's pretty smart and manipulative. She knows how to look me in the eyes for an extended period of time, when she wants to.

And for the record, she did finally look me in the eyes after that time out.

Miss Tattletale

This is Annabelle's week for tattling, tattling on herself!

On Tuesday, she reported that her cousin Molly and her climbed into the Pack-n-Play in our bedroom this past Saturday. All 72 lbs of them! Into the bassinet part of the Pack-n-Play which is meant to hold a whopping 20 lbs at most!

I wasn't sure how to respond so I told her that Mommy had told her that it wasn't safe to climb into the Pack-n-Play because she was too big for it, and she may hurt herself and Sophia.

"Why did you do that?," I asked.

She replied, "Because Molly was in there and she told me to."

"Did you tell her that she wasn't supposed to be in there?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"She just looked at me."

"Well, you know better than to climb in there Annabelle. You shouldn't have done that."

"I know. I just shouldn't have told you."

Do what? Where did she think that one up? Like she's 16 years old! I just shouldn't have told you? Oh my, oh my, oh my! A glimpse into the teenage years.

That is when I had to explain to her very carefully that it was important for her to tell Mommy things that involved the safety of herself or someone else. I don't want her to tattle on her friends for everything, but some things are important for her Mommy and Daddy to know.

And boy, the things she learns from her cousin Molly! Should I mention that Annabelle is now claiming to be afraid of the dark after this weekend? I asked where she learned that one from. "Molly," she replied.


Then today, she told on herself twice! How do I respond to this? Do I discipline her for these actions or just politely thank her for telling me so she won't hide things from me?

She climbed in bed with me this morning after I heard her exit her bedroom about 5 minutes earlier. So, I asked her, "What did you go and do this morning when you first woke up?"

"I went and snuck a piece of candy."

"You did?"

"Yes, from my little tea pitcher."

I swear we have candy laying around all over the place, but she has always asked me before she helps herself. I've never quite understood it, but it has worked until this morning. She has a little toy tea pitcher that she placed some Easter candy in one day while she was playing.

As for the sneaking, I have her Daddy to thank for that new trick! Of course, he meant no harm at all, but he told Annabelle the other night that they would "sneak one more book," and Mommy would never know. That is until she tells on herself. She doesn't miss a beat, does she?


And then the last one for today goes as follows:

"Mommy, did you know that I stuck gum under the table like those little kids had done at that restaurant?"

"You did?"

"Yes."

"When did you do that?"

"A long time ago. Would you like to see it?"

"Yes, I would."

And, sure enough, there is old blue gum stuck to the bottom of our dining room table!


In the last week, she also told me that she cut my favorite blanket! And, sure enough, she did! She couldn't find where she had cut it to show me, but hubby found it that same evening. And, now, my favorite blanket is shedding feathers.

Who said girls weren't destructive? They are just a little bit more discreet about it. That is until they tattle on themselves!

Threats

I was left with threats as my only alternative today. Not really, but it sounded good. And, the best part, it actually worked, today, probably not tomorrow, but today.

You see, Annabelle will not pick up after herself. Obviously, yet again, I have failed in Child Rearing 101. I am swearing to do better with this next one. Ha!

She pulls out everything she owns, everything I own, plus some. And when told, "Annabelle, you need to put your toys away before you pull out anything else," she responds with, "No." And, apparently, time outs don't work so well with this child.

So, today, I threatened her. Not with time out. Not with a spanking. But, I threatened to throw her toys away into the trash can if she didn't pick them up. For some reason, that made a believer out of her. Again, for today. We will see what tomorrow brings.

But, in order for this to work, I am going to have to follow through. So, I think I'm changing my threat to dump any toy left around into a trash bag to be placed into the attic where she cannot play with it for a very long time, if ever again.

Anyone have any other tips for getting a three year old to clean up after him/herself?