Ready to Cruise

Even though Sophia pulls up on everything and has been for awhile now, she isn't much of a cruiser yet. This evening I sat down next to her, and I was trying to encourage her to crawl to me. She misunderstood and wanted to let go and take a step toward me so bad! She moved a foot while holding on, but she didn't attempt those first steps. I am glad as she would have most definitely fallen on the slate floors in the kitchen if she had. She needs to get comfortable with cruising first.

When Annabelle was this age, she was already standing up in the middle of the floor without holding onto anything. And she took her first steps shortly before she turned 11 months. But, I'll keep my Sophia little as long as she'll let me! I just wish the first year hadn't flown by so fast.

Hormones

Mood swings, facial bumps, drier eyes and migraines! My baby is growing up and doesn't need me as much as she did 10 months ago. My heart aches. Seriously. It truly aches right now.

I had these same feelings when Annabelle was this age. Very strong feelings. I thought for sure it was a first child thing. Apparently not. Apparently it is a hormone thing.

But this time, this time, my heart longs for another baby even though I don't anticipate that in the very near future.

And oddly, I don't know why I long so much for another baby. It isn't because I want to try for a boy because I honestly would be happy with a house full of girls. And it certainly isn't because I think I am a wonderful mother because there are many days that I even struggle with feeling that I'm a good mother.

Perhaps I hope I can do it better the next time around if God so allows. Or perhaps it is because I am growing so much through my children. I thought I was a very mature adult until I had children. But then I realized just how immature I really am. But, my children are teaching me so much about life if I'd just take the time to watch and listen.

Annabelle will always be my first. And she is truly teaching me how to love. She is teaching me to love as God intends us to love. Yesterday as I cried in the car over something that will be so insignificant in our next life in heaven or next year for that matter, Annabelle said, "Mommy, are you sad? I bet I know what I can do when we get home!!!" As we pulled in the driveway, Annabelle immediately unbuckled herself and climbed in the front seat with me and placed those sweet arms around my neck. God love her!

I suspect that Sophia will be my spunky child with lots of personality filling my days with laughter. She is definitely the more laid back of the two. I am learning from my Sophia to not sweat the small stuff and to laugh a lot more. Of course, I have a ways to go.

With the help of my children I am growing wiser every day. And for that I am truly blessed.

And with the help of my very sweet and loving husband, I am standing up, dusting off and picking up the pieces to move forward full speed ahead. I cannot change the past, but I can make a huge dent in my future. Thank you hubby for loving me despite my imperfections!

Memory Lapse

I left hubby to put the kiddos to bed this evening so I could attend a Bible study held on Thursday nights. Annabelle fell asleep in the recliner before I had even left the house. I left the house at 7:07 p.m. I spoke with hubby shortly after I had arrived in the driveway for the Bible study at 7:17 p.m. He told me that he had moved Annabelle to her bed, and she had stayed asleep.

Shortly after midnight Annabelle called me into her bedroom to ask for a drink of water. While I was in there she said, "You know that time I probably got to read more books since I already had my pajamas on."

Last Thursday, hubby gave Annabelle extra time to read books. And this week, apparently, Annabelle does not realize that she went to bed without dinner OR books. And hubby is still her knight in shining armour!

Teacher's Pet

Dude! What happened? It has been almost an entire month since I blogged. I bet the two people who actually read this blog are no longer following it! But, it is officially time for an update if I can remember how to write.

Well, this post is an update on the oldest and more time consuming child. The child who is a complete mirror image of me. Scary!

Annabelle has changed so much in the last year. She has really grown up, and she is no longer my little girl. It is truly bitter sweet, but maybe a bit more bitter as I truly do love the very early years so much, they just say the funniest things. Now her comments are much more well thought out and serious. She is much more self-sufficient, which is wonderful, but it is obvious that she doesn't need me as much from a more affectionate point of view as well.

I think these differences are more obvious to me when I compare her to her peers. Since Annabelle was born in October, and she has a late birthday according to the school calendar year, I can usually note differences between her and her peers almost instantly. I can definitely distinguish the three year olds from the four year olds.

As for my Annabelle, she is very mature for even a four year old, in my opinion. My once shy, never leave Mommy's side, two year old has transformed into a beautiful and outgoing four year old. I see myself so much in her though, and I actually found myself getting a little embarrassed at choir practice the other day because Annabelle was the one answering all of the questions correctly, following directions (for the most part) and singing like a champ! She knows all of the words, and it isn't because we recite them at home. Well, we do, but it isn't because I remember the words. She'll start singing the song, and she wants me to sing along with her. I usually have to get her to remind me of the words even though I've sat in on almost every choir practice with her.

Please don't get me wrong! I love Annabelle dearly, and I want her to succeed. But, I was always the one who got straight A's in school. Even though I would have been completely devastated if I had gotten a B or even an A-, I tried to steer clear of the "Teacher's Pet" title. I was even a bit heart broken when a colleague of mine at my current place of employment told me that others referred to me as the "Partner's Pet" many years ago. Of course, being your bosses "pet" probably isn't such a bad thing, huh? But, the gossip and title placed on my name seemed a bit childish to me for 30 and 40 something year olds in the workplace.

So, my heart beams and I smile genuinely when Annabelle sings all of the songs correctly, but I am sure that my cheeks are blushing because some of the other parents are present that are members of our Sunday School class. It is then that I'm not sure I want the overachiever because for once in my life I want to be "cool," and let's face it, I will never be cool as I am quite the dork!

I'm the person that people rarely even remember. The nurse at my OBGYN's office actually remembered me months after Sophia's birth. Why? Because I'm the dork who brought a notebook with me to almost every prenatal visit to record my weight, blood pressure and answers to any pertinent questions I had. Now, don't get me wrong, I do love my dorky self!

As for Annabelle, she is following in my footsteps. I just hope that she's okay with being the teacher's pet as the choir director said just last Thursday, "Annabelle is one of my best singers."

And I'm never sure how to take this question from other parents with children Annabelle's age: "Does she attend preschool anywhere?" Why do I not know how to take it? Because the mom who asked it had to have known that Annabelle did not attend preschool anywhere (because we've talked about it in the past). Ironically enough, Annabelle had a crush on this mother's son. And, my never preschooled Annabelle can sit more still and follow directions better than any other child in her choir. Of course, she is older than most of them, but certainly not all of them.