That was the question that inspired me to start my own blog. I found this question while browsing the internet for stay-at-home mom blogs to read.
So, why do stay-at-home moms say it is the hardest job in the world?
I know this answer will vary greatly depending on the mother and her life experiences. As a previous professional in the work force, used to working 50 to 60 to 70 hour work weeks (and sometimes even 80 hour weeks, okay, 79 hours was probably my limit) during busy season from January through April, I can explain why I think that staying at home with our 12 month old daughter is the hardest job in the world.
It definitely isn't a mentally challenging job (at least right now it isn't...that could probably change as my daughter gets older), but it is physically and emotionally draining.
It is the constant daily battle. The dishes really need to be cleaned, and the dirty clothes really need to be washed, but right now (not really right now as it is 11:30 at night) Annabelle (my 12 month old daughter) is alert and awake. She is walking in circles around the house from the kitchen through the office and hall and living room and dining room and back again to the kitchen over and over. Obviously, she is at her prime for getting into serious trouble on her own without my complete and uttermost attention. These troubles may include stumbling and knocking her head on the corner of the coffee table or closing her tiny fingers into my kitchen drawers or simply deciding to taste the paper clip or penny which accidentally fell on the floor (unbeknownst to anyone except the little hands who found it). So, I have a choice. I can take care of those dirty dishes and dirty clothes or I can follow my daughter around the house as she walks in circles. Or, I can simply put up a baby gate or close the kitchen doors and lock her in the kitchen with me as I wash the dishes. But, if I do that, am I providing my daughter with the opportunity to learn and grow?
My husband and I opted to make the sacrifice to give up that second salary for me to stay at home with my daughter to help mold her into a wonderful, honest and bright individual with integrity. So, if I am staying at home with my daughter, why should I spend that precious time while she is awake and alert doing the dishes and the laundry? This is why I am always behind on the laundry (since one mother commented that she could not understand how stay-at-home moms are behind on the laundry). This mom, who also worked full-time, stated that she was never behind on the laundry. I question just how much "quality" time she spent with her son/daughter.
So, I try my best to choose to spend that time with my daughter following her around the house as she smiles at me and squints those sweet, little, blue eyes to show her happiness and affection.
I try my best to sit down on the floor with her and push the buttons on the toys over and over again even though she continously pushes the same button and it says the same thing over and over again, "This is the song. La, la, la, la. Elmo's song!" I do this because I want her to learn how to make the other characters pop up and sing (with a different motion and push or pull of a button).
So, when do the dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming get done? Sometimes it doesn't, and that is the struggle of being a stay-at-home mom or working mom, for that matter. I still think that people tend to judge the woman (mother and wife) when a home is untidy or dirty. Especially when the woman is a stay-at-home mom because, "What does she do all day?" People don't realize that there isn't time to clean a house when you have an infant who only naps for 30-45 minutes at a stretch (twice a day). Fortunately, as Annabelle has gotten older, so have the length of her naps...we are up to between 45 minutes to 2 hours (depending on the day). Thank goodness!
What else makes being a stay-at-home mom the hardest job in the world?
It is juggling the nap times around grocery shopping (especially when you have a 12 month old who is ready for another nap after being awake for 3 hours).
Okay, so 3 hours sounds like plenty of time to do grocery shopping, right? Wrong! Not when it takes 20 minutes to nurse, 10 minutes to change from jammies into clothes, 45 minutes to an hour just to eat breakfast (Annabelle is a really slow eater like her Mommy) and another 15 minutes to grab our belongings and get buckled into a car seat. Then, what about the 20 minutes to get to the grocery store (on a good day) and the 20 minutes to get home. So, that leaves an hour for doing the grocery shopping AND for unloading the groceries while dealing with a potential fussy baby depending on how close to naptime we are.
Alright, so you're thinking, working moms still have to grocery shop. Yes, you are right, most of them do. But, maybe some of these working moms can leave the kiddos with the hubby while they run to the store or maybe hubby does the grocery shopping for the family since both spouses are working? Or, maybe hubby is there to help unload all of the groceries? And, grocery shopping may take less time for these working moms because they don't have to pay as much attention to the price per ounce because they are a two income level family.
As a stay-at-home mom, there is no formal annual employee evaluation. There is no boss or client saying, "You're doing a great job!" This is difficult because the self-esteem of being a good mother is mainly developed from within. The praise is not given from outsiders. And, if anything, it is the constant dealings with other parents (stay-at-home parents and working parents) who say, "Oh, so she's walking. Well, is she talking yet?"
As a stay-at-home mom, the adult interaction is very limited and depends completely on the number of play groups you can manage to attend around your already busy schedule.
Being a stay-at-home mom means holding your baby all day long (if needed) after the shots that made your infant feel ill. Or, holding or simply playing with the very fussy baby who isn't feeling well due to its very first upper respiratory infection. This same baby is the baby who will not nap more than 45 minutes because she doesn't feel well, and she'll only take the one 45 minute nap during the morning (instead of both the morning and afternoon nap). Not to mention, she stayed up until 2 a.m. the night before because she was having a hard time breathing through her little nose, and she was very uncomfortable and nothing would calm her. The stay-at-home mom was the one responsible for staying up until 2 a.m. with the little one (instead of shared duties with the hubby) because the stay-at-home mom doesn't have to go to the office the next day. However, as a stay-at-home mom, you still have to tend to the baby's needs for the entire day until bedtime.
Being a stay-at-home mom means no vacation or sick days! As a stay-at-home mom, if you are sick, you still have to tend to your child all day long. You cannot drop your child off at day care only to go back home and rest in your bed all day (without constant interruption). Your child is there with you all day running in circles around the house (with you close behind).
Being a stay-at-home mom means trying to do everything in your power to be the "perfect" mother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Being a stay-at-home mom means having no one else to blame but yourself when your baby stumbles while walking outside on a concrete pavement and falls backwards and bumps her noggin on the pavement (only to cry in horror and pain).
Being a stay-at-home mom means listening to others in your previous profession discuss their accomplishments and promotions while knowing that you've put your professional career on hold to raise your little one, and knowing that if and when you enter the work force again, your job as a stay-at-home mom will very unlikely be acknowledged or praised.
Being a stay-at-home mom means questioning every single moment you spend (or don't spend) with your child.
Being a stay-at-home mom means working 24/7 for free!
These are all reasons that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world. But, I wouldn't change anything in the world. I miss my full-time career, but I LOVE my new job as a mother.