We've had it with Annabelle's lack of respect for us. She is actually very respectful to most other people on most days, but as is typical for most three year olds, she doesn't listen or follow directions when it isn't in her best interest. Not to mention, she is sassy, sassy, sassy!
So in order to raise a respectful young lady, I have gathered ideas from John Rosemond's book, Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children. John Rosemond does not believe in second chances at all. Oddly enough, I briefly followed his advice regarding second chances a few months ago and Annabelle cried to me (as I put her in time out), "But I didn't get my second chance!" Hmmm. Dr. Rosemond is onto something!
One of my biggest irritations with Annabelle was her constant leaving the table at meal times to do this or that. "Get back in your chair Annabelle!" we would constantly demand. So, I used techniques recommended by Dr. Rosemond to other parents to keep their child from constantly leaving his bedroom for a drink of water or to go potty at bedtime to nip that one in the bud, and it worked!
I give Annabelle three silly bands (bracelets) to be worn at every meal. Every time she leaves the table once we sit down (to go potty, look at Sophia, look out the window, etc), she has to give us a bracelet. If she leaves the table at all once she has no bracelets on her wrist, she is finished eating, whether or not she is really finished eating. Sound harsh? Maybe, but she knows the rules, and she's old enough to know I mean business. Of course, we are technically giving her second chances, but we aren't constantly nagging and threatening, and a girl has to potty at the most inopportune times when she's three! And, this worked immediately! She has not yet lost a meal!
So, now we are moving on to more important and complicated issues. These are the offenses that bother both of us the most. And instead of threats and second chances, Annabelle will land herself in time out immediately if she disobeys. We are planning to have a family meeting to discuss these offenses with her.
When I first started typing this post, we were planning to give her bracelets and then for every offense, put her in time out immediately and take a bracelet. If she ran out of bracelets before she was ready for bed, we were going to take something away, but we couldn't figure out what to take away. I tossed around the idea of telling her that she couldn't go outside the next day, but if it rains or someone gets sick or we have something else planned for the day, we cannot make it outside. Then we thought about telling her she couldn't have gum the next day. Annabelle loves her some gum! She had a meltdown just the other day because she felt she was entitled to her gum after she finished her chocolate milk for breakfast. But, I felt that eventually she wouldn't care if we took her gum away.
So, we have decided to just tell her that she goes straight into time out for any of the offenses on the discipline chart. I am planning to print this chart in a size 12x12 and then laminate it. I am also going to print smaller 4x4 sizes to have on the go.
We are also planning to move her time out from her nice comfy bed to a dining room chair turned backwards. If you know Annabelle well enough, you know that there aren't many discipline measures that work with her. I still do not understand why she responded to the silly band method during meal times.
So here is a picture of our chart. I am planning to add another picture of her buckling herself into her car seat since she often takes her sweet time getting buckled in, especially when we're in a hurry. Your advice is still greatly appreciated! What works or worked for you?
2 comments:
We like 1, 2, 3 Magic. It's simple and consistent and goes anywhere. Much like training a dog. Ha ha!
Oh, boy, this is a subject I'm currently trying to tackle with Noah! As you know, my kids have discipline charts, and I use ours to determine allowances weekly. The more the kids get on their charts, the more money they get they can splurge on toys and other things I don't buy them. Aidan has embraced the chart and takes great pride in behaving. Katie is much more disrespectful, and currently, the only thing that works with her is to threaten not to let her go play with her friends. In fact, the other day, Katie had ballet and could not find her slippers. She is responsible for keeping up with her ballet clothes--I gave her a specific bag to keep her leotard, tights, and slippers in, and instructed her to place them in her dresser. However, she is ultimately responsible for doing this. She did not place them in the bag, and she has lost a slipper. I chose the natural consequence measure and told her she had to go to ballet without her slippers, and her teacher could decide if she could still dance. She needed to accept responsibility. Well, she cried for an hour, but at ballet class, her teacher allowed her to dance! I have told her that if she cannot find the slippers, she can use $20 out of her savings to purchase new slippers, since I purchased the original ones and she has not respected them enough to take care of them.
I think discipline is a constant battle between parents and children, but I think you have a great idea that Annabelle will respond to. My only other suggestion is to highly praise her good behavior when she is doing a great job following her chart. Praise goes a long way for a preschooler!
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