Hormones

Mood swings, facial bumps, drier eyes and migraines! My baby is growing up and doesn't need me as much as she did 10 months ago. My heart aches. Seriously. It truly aches right now.

I had these same feelings when Annabelle was this age. Very strong feelings. I thought for sure it was a first child thing. Apparently not. Apparently it is a hormone thing.

But this time, this time, my heart longs for another baby even though I don't anticipate that in the very near future.

And oddly, I don't know why I long so much for another baby. It isn't because I want to try for a boy because I honestly would be happy with a house full of girls. And it certainly isn't because I think I am a wonderful mother because there are many days that I even struggle with feeling that I'm a good mother.

Perhaps I hope I can do it better the next time around if God so allows. Or perhaps it is because I am growing so much through my children. I thought I was a very mature adult until I had children. But then I realized just how immature I really am. But, my children are teaching me so much about life if I'd just take the time to watch and listen.

Annabelle will always be my first. And she is truly teaching me how to love. She is teaching me to love as God intends us to love. Yesterday as I cried in the car over something that will be so insignificant in our next life in heaven or next year for that matter, Annabelle said, "Mommy, are you sad? I bet I know what I can do when we get home!!!" As we pulled in the driveway, Annabelle immediately unbuckled herself and climbed in the front seat with me and placed those sweet arms around my neck. God love her!

I suspect that Sophia will be my spunky child with lots of personality filling my days with laughter. She is definitely the more laid back of the two. I am learning from my Sophia to not sweat the small stuff and to laugh a lot more. Of course, I have a ways to go.

With the help of my children I am growing wiser every day. And for that I am truly blessed.

And with the help of my very sweet and loving husband, I am standing up, dusting off and picking up the pieces to move forward full speed ahead. I cannot change the past, but I can make a huge dent in my future. Thank you hubby for loving me despite my imperfections!