Lonely

As I mentioned in my last post, this is our first night apart ever. "Our" meaning Annabelle and Mommy. And, honestly, it probably doesn't even count as I was still there for her bedtime routine, and unless she wakes up during the night, I will probably have already left for my meeting tomorrow morning before she even opens her beautiful blue eyes.

Of course, I had hoped for an earlier evening. Annabelle down by 8:30 p.m. at the latest, and Mommy home by 9:00 p.m., 9:30 p.m. at the very latest. I should have known better! I left Annabelle in her Pack-n-Play around 9:00 p.m. the first time. Around 9:15 p.m., I went back to check on Annabelle because she was still fussing, and it sounded as if she had dropped her Teddy Bear or paci. She smelled like she was trying to get a poopie. Sure enough! She sat on the potty for what seemed like 20 minutes, but in actuality, it was probably only 10 minutes. And, she got the worst smelling poopie ever. It literally made me want to gag.

Then, we started the entire bedtime routine all over again, with the exception of the two bedtime stories and the addition of singing Jesus Loves Me and Hush Little Baby for the fourteenth time. In all honesty, I don't know or think I sang those songs fourteen times, but it sure did feel like it. I finally refused to sing any more, and I left her crying, which soon turned into a whimper, and finally turned into silence at 9:58 p.m.

Thank goodness! By 10:30 p.m., I arrived home to an empty house with toys scattered everywhere, but yet, something was missing and still is missing. Honestly, it is too quiet! I'm thinking I should turn on Annabelle's noise maker and CD player just to break the silence and convince myself into thinking that my daughter is still only a few steps away if she wakes up screaming and needs me during the night.

If you read my blog from earlier today, you'll learn that Annabelle was all too anxious to leave Mommy to go and spend the night with Grandmama and Granddaddy, or so it seemed. This evening, I told Annabelle that I would see her tomorrow evening as Mommy had to go to work tomorrow. As we were battling the bedtime routine, Annabelle said, "No Mommy go bye bye." I honestly think she understood that I would be leaving her, and I think she stayed awake as long as possible just to make sure that I didn't leave her this evening.

So, right now, my heart is breaking as a part of me is missing.

I called Grandmama after I arrived back home safe and sound, and she put the phone up to the baby monitor so I could hear Annabelle. Annabelle was making that sweet little sound that she used to make as a baby. We always joked that Annabelle was singing when she was an infant. Of course, I think in all honesty, Annabelle was just snoring this evening.

For Grandmama and Granddaddy's sake, let's hope for a restful night for everyone! Of course, I know hoping for a happy and delightful child first thing in the morning is a far stretch for this child, so I won't push it! Annabelle is NOT a morning person at all!


Dear Annabelle,

I miss you dearly already, and I've only been gone for an hour and a half. You probably won't even realize I'm really away until you wake up in the morning to find Grandmama at your bedside. I hope you'll be sweet to your Grandmama and Granddaddy tomorrow, but I hope you'll miss me just enough where you'll ask about me all day long, just enough to annoy Grandmama and Granddaddy just a tiny bit.

After I arrived back home this evening without you by my side, one of the first things I noticed was your toys scattered all over the living room. Your Fisher Price school bus was sitting on the dining room table where you had left it this morning during breakfast. Actually, you got up from breakfast specifically to get your bus, and when you brought it back to the table, I took it away from you and set it on the table because I've told you many times that we don't get up during breakfast, lunch or dinner, and we don't play with toys at the table.

Your Smart Snack cookies are scattered on the recliner. As we were preparing to walk out the door this morning to head to Grandmama and Granddaddy's house, you decided that you wanted to play with your Smart Snack cookies. Apparently, I needed some cookies for the road as you stashed four of five of them into my purse. I pulled all but one out and stuck them back into the Smart Snack cookie jar on the recliner before we left this morning. Some cookies were still left scattered on the recliner.

I didn't realize I still had one cookie in my purse until after we had arrived at Grandmama and Granddaddy's house. I think I'll keep that cookie in my purse tomorrow so I'll think about you every time I open my purse. Of course, I won't need any help in that department as I'm sure I'll probably be thinking about you all day anyway.

Although some days I long for a few hours all to myself, I miss you dearly now that you aren't by my side. We are like two peas in a pod. However, I know one day you are going to grow up and leave my side, all too soon.

I love you, baby girl, forever and always! And, you'll always be my baby girl!

Love,

Mommy