You are already three months overdue

Those are the words Annabelle's pediatrician used on January 17, 2008 to let me know that he thought I should get rid of the paci now (or apparently three months ago). He said he could tell she was still using a paci because her teeth were pushed forward (or backward). I am not sure of the exact words. I, personally, am not so sure I believe that he really could tell that her teeth had been displaced. Nor do I agree with taking away one of my daughter's most prized and precious objects at such a crucial time in her development.

The conversation went as follows, "Is she still taking a paci? Or is she sucking her thumb?" I said, "Yes, she is still using a paci." He said, "Well, you need to get rid of that now. You are already three months overdue on that one." Excuse me!!! For one, you NEVER told me on my last visit that I needed to dump the paci! Why are you all of the sudden realizing that she is now using a paci? Then I say, "Well, how do you suggest I do that?" He says, "Just start cutting the end off every day a little at a time. She will eventually pick it up and not want it any more because there will be no suction." Yeah! She will not want the paci, but clearly, she is going to want something else...all night long (when she cannot sleep)! I don't think so!!! I said, "That is mean." He said, "It is already going to be harder than it would have been three months ago." Again, excuse me!!!

And, on that note, I have a hard time understanding why he thinks I should wean her from the paci when he has specifically told me that if I am able and willing, then I should nurse her as long as I feel comfortable. He even told me that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing one year as a minimum, but they encourage mothers to nurse the first two years of life.

I, honestly, think he could "tell" she was still using a paci because the nurse specifically asked me if she was still using a bottle or a paci, and she checked off yes to both in Annabelle's 15 month checkup medical record sheet. I really don't even know why she checked off yes to bottle as I specifically told her that she's been using a sippy cup since 12 months, but I've tried to give her whole milk out of a bottle just to get her used to cow's milk because she is still nursing, and I am trying to slowly wean her (over her second year). She pretty much refuses any cow's milk from a sippy cup. I don't even know why I shared that little bit of life story with the nurse anyway, but I guess I know for next time to just keep my mouth shut! Oddly enough, he didn't even mention anything to me about her still using the bottle (according to the 15 month checklist of questions). See the excerpt below from "The Girlfriends' Guide to Toddlers." Unfortunately, I read that section after Annabelle's 15 month checkup.

Annabelle mostly uses her paci at naptime and bedtime. It is part of her bedtime routine, and she needs it to sleep. She doesn't throw it out of her crib in the middle of the night just to get our attention. Most mornings, when I go to get her up, there she is with paci in mouth and teddy in hand (or teddy on floor).

And for goodness sakes, her molars are starting to protrude through those sweet, little gums! Why on earth would I take her paci away now when she needs it the most for comfort?

Can you tell that I am pretty irritated with my pediatrician regarding this issue? These pediatricians are always quick to tell you how to raise your kids, but how many of their own kids have they really raised? And, even if they have kids, (I'll ask the question again), how many of their own kids have they really raised?

Unfortunately, my husband has struggled a bit with me on this one. I think only because I mentioned to him the comment regarding her teeth being pushed forward (or backward). However, we have discussed (calmly) since Annabelle's 15 month checkup, and he doesn't seem so against me on this issue now. Of course, I did ask him, "Are you going to rock her and hold her all night while she screams (because she wants her paci) just so we can wean her from her paci." He was quick to answer "no"to that one.

However, I am thankful that he cares enough about his daughter to challenge me on some things. He is a wonderful father, and we aren't always going to agree. But, I hope that we'll both always compromise enough so that Annabelle is always clear on her direction related to discipline and child rearing.

Here are some quotes from a few books I have been reading regarding this very issue.

From "Touchpoints" by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. on page 143 in the "One Year" section, "If a pacifier has become a habit, now is not the time to take it away. Nor would I talk about it. Any attention parents pay to it will heighten its use as a teasing issue. In the second year, a child deserves to have a crutch she can use to help her soften the struggle of being a toddler."

Also from "Touchpoints" by T. Berry Brazelton, M.D. on page 65, "Sometimes parents see a thumb as dirty; others worry that a pacifier will ruin a child's teeth. To calm this latter worry, I am able to tell parents of a study done by dentists at Children's Hospital on children who suck their thumbs or pacifiers and those who don't. There was little difference in their need for braces. Apparently, it is tongue thrust that deforms upper teeth. In any case, the most important reason for the need to straighten teeth is likely to be a genetic tendency. The exception may be children who are withdrawn and who suck most of the time, or children who go on sucking intensely after age five or six. But the problems of such children are in the area of socialization rather than in the area of sucking."

From "The Girlfriends' Guide to Toddlers" by Vicki Iovine on page 60, "My Girlfriend Melanie took her two-year-old to the pediatrician for a checkup several years ago and mentioned that her daughter, Mariah, still drank from a bottle. Having read all the literature about the sugar in juice and milk, Mel didn't allow anything except water in the bottles, but was otherwise unconcerned. Well, let's just say she was as unconcerned as any first-time mother is when her child doesn't seem to be following the Rules, no matter how asinine those Rules are. Take it from me, if you're a truly unconcerned mother (as in barely conscious, like me), you don't even mention those things to a pediatrician unless you are prepared to deal with them. Anyway, Melanie was told that she should stop giving Mariah bottles now that she had hit the ripe old age of two. When bold Melanie asked why it was important for her darling, well-adjusted daughter to give up something she clearly loved and needed, the doctor told her that "it was time." That's all; "it was time." Talk about your lame responses. As if Melanie were willing to endure a temper tantrum every time she refused to give her daughter a bottle AND watch her beloved child feeling insecure and bereft, just because "it was time."